Oh it’s like that is it Wednesday ?
In that case there’s only one thing for it …
stripy socks.
Sign on the goods train we just passed:
“Not to be loose or hump shunted”
If I had a teenage daughter …
Young spring green leaves
Posted on May 11, 2012 ·
Young spring green leaves
Leading the charge to the sun
Hauling wood up branches
Sucking sap from underground
Clustered thrusting skyward
Green fingered branchlings
Building trees with not
so much a ‘by your leave’
Whole hillsides of relatives
As old as any man living
Standing naked together
Feigning death all winter
Before budding cheekily
Delicate explosions to herald
Young spring green leaves
Bojo
Posted on May 8, 2012 ·
Bojo was a man who thought he was a mayor
But he was a total arse
Bojo was adulterous, thought he was a player
Maritally what a farce.
Get whacked, get whacked,
Get whacked on your Etonian bum
Get whacked, get whacked,
Get whacked for beating Livingstone.
Herpetology was more than just a hobby
For one Lambeth boy called Ken
Practically a wizard with a newt or lizard
or politicians (slimy men)
(At this point I have run out of steam … I’ll finish this later …)
The Ego
Posted on April 27, 2012 ·
Vera, 5: “Mummy. Do you know about the ego?”
Oh. My. Lord. Here we go. How the…?
“You know. The bird.”
Phew. Close call.
The Ego is a plump bird, about four or five inches tall, that preens its feathers almost constantly in support of its belief that it is the prettiest of all the birds.
As a result of this belief, the Ego particularly hates peacocks, hummingbirds and Claudia Schiffer.
The Ego however, has a larger cousin, the Super-Ego. Looking vaguely like its smaller cousin in a pair of red underpants, the Super-Ego does not suffer from the same vanity, but imagines that it knows what everyone else ought to be doing.
Quite commonplace, these can be found anywhere where the habitat supports such a beast : near married men, at other parents’ houses or at your daughter-in-law’s.
Both Ego and Super-Ego are commonly mispronounced: the word has a short ‘E’ as in ‘bed’ not a long ‘e’ as in ‘weed’. The name comes from the appalling lack of reproductive self-awareness of the female and is said to sound like the call she makes when first laying.
Inspired by the musings of a minor groskoparian.
The tale of a wealthy Spaniard and his ballet
Yesterday a friend published a Facebook status update about her buttocks, which her physiotherapist seemed to believe were the root of all evil.
Sounds like a poem to me …
smatterings
Posted on March 19, 2012 ·
Smatterings are small fish that should be eaten with horseradish and a miniature knife.
Smatterings are the repeated requests of a teenager’s parents, desperate to find out what the hell is wrong with the mute but clearly upset dishevelled heap.
Smatterings are not quite as shiny as sglossrings.
Smatterings can be found spinning around black holes emitting senergies as they rotate in four dimensions.
Smatterings could be jumbled stutterings.
Smatterings are little pockets of dwellings in Yorkshire, smaller than a village but bigger than a cuplouzes.
